The right person will come along and love you, flaws and all. They’ll be willing to highlight your great qualities, compliment your essence, and help you round out the edges for a better fit. And even with those imperfectly perfect partners, challenges will arise in a relationship and you’ll have to learn when to walk and when to talk it out.
No one person is created perfectly, we are all perfectly imperfect. If men or women were made to live a lifetime alone, that would dispel the theory of evolution, procreation, Adam & Eve, and the overall belief in the human “need” for a partner in love.
When difficult times arise in relationships, some run toward the chaos with a silver blade and shield and fight til’ the death, some run away to “take breaks”, and some quit. In each case one may believe they are doing what is in the best interest of salvaging or saving their relationship and could actually be sacrificing their relationship. Knowing when to fight and when to surrender may be complicated, but knowing when love is real and worth weathering the storm should not be.
Some believe that the ultimate test of one’s faith in love, loyalty, and dedication is how hard they are willing to fight to keep a relationship alive. How much energy, sacrifice, time, sweat, and maybe tears they will give to see things through. How long they will stay committed to that partner in good times and in bad, to help each other get through challenges such as loss, grief, depression, anxiety, life changes, or simply just arguments – without abandoning their partner.
- Perception #1 – The fighter may be seen as pushy/overbearing, grow impatient, frustrated, and perceive their partner as not caring as much. They may believe their valiant effort is a testament of their love and “if we can just get through this together, we’ll be better for it”. But they may be pushing against the grain with their partner and causing a divide.
- Perception #2 – The non-fighter may feel overwhelmed by the circumstances, unable to think clearly amongst the chaos, and may lash out. They may believe quiet or separation solve problems and without both aren’t able to gather their thoughts to devise a path forward they’re comfortable with. Their stillness may confuse their partner and give the impression the relationship isn’t worth fighting for. They may being to feel stressed and exhibit damaging behavior (aggression, infidelity, making excuses or avoiding the issues, deflecting, or shutting down completely)
Some believe the test of one’s faith in love, loyalty, and dedication is how many times they give each other “space” and “time”, how long those spans go before the partners reunite, and how they individually deal with the challenges apart before they return to one another “anew”.
- Perception #1 – The one who departs may be seen as unable or unwilling to weather the storm, although they may gain clarity from the separation, they may be seen as waffling, undependable, unstable. From their point of view, time and space apart may allow them to be wiser, stronger, better and return anew. To their partner they may be planting a seed of doubt, calling into question their resilience and steadfastness in the relationship. They may leave their partner wondering if they’re going to disappear at the sight of every difficulty, and if so, how strong is the relationship really?
- Perception #2 – The one who holds on may feel abandoned and confused, not knowing when/if their partner will return and feeling lost in limbo in the meantime. The time and space may feel exponentially greater than it is, and it may create a void, a pain, that worsens the circumstances. This can take an emotional toll on the person and they may being to act out in unhealthy ways (aggression, over-communication, or shutting down completely)
Some believe you should choose your battles, and dismiss the smaller issues for the greater good, for the benefit of the “big picture”.
- Perception #1 – He/she who remains tight lipped never shares their difficulty with their partner. “A closed mouth doesn’t get fed”. Small issues may fester and grow into larger stressors which may manifest in other ways. This can be unhealthy. Once those matters do manifest in a larger capacity via actions or words, the damage may be irreparable, whereas the smaller issues may have been manageable if dealt with at the time of occurrence. The “quiet” one may be seen as dishonest and may have planted seeds of doubt in their partner.
- Perception #2 – He/she who hears the plights may feel bombarded or betrayed by the magnitude of stressors. They may flee the relationship. They may question “what else”. They may begin to feel defensive and act out in unhealthy ways (aggression, infidelity, making excuses or avoiding the issues, deflecting, or shutting down completely).
Perception is reality for many. Keep them in mind next time.
We all hold ourselves to a certain esteem, knowing how your actions, or lack thereof affect you, your partner, and your relationship may help you decide how to deal with difficult times, whether to change, whether to walk, or whether to talk.
Knowing how your partner deals with difficult times is equally important.
Do you have the capacity to love another person after you’ve loved yourself?
Does that love for the other person make you run toward or away from them during difficult times?
Know how to give & take constructive criticism and be able to recognize opportunities to evolve for the sake of your health, and that of your relationship.
Not everyday will be filled with sunshine, but you can bring about better days.
Learn when to walk, and when to talk.