Reflecting for 18

It is the time of year where people begin to contemplate “changing for the new year”. Me, I consider change part of everyday life. … growth, and sometimes setback, are all part of the journey.

This time of year is when I normally start to revisit my “life-goals” and retrace my steps as to how I got where I am and if I still want to pursue the paths I set forth. I don’t consider that changing for the new year, more like adjusting focus on what I’m doing, where I am, who I am, where I’m going, and why.

During the winter everything is still and quiet. There’s less rambunctiousness around. People embrace solitude and seem to lay-low. There’s less activity, more downtime, more quiet time… time to reflect without as much distraction or disruption. People seem calmer and more at peace. Perfect opportunity to gather ones thoughts.

I get as situated in a cozy place at home, or in a library, a bookstore, a rooftop or wherever I feel peaceful and comfortable and I talk… to myself, to God, to the universe. I write and I brainstorm and I consider possibilities unchartered, those attempted and failed, successes, interests developed, lost, and yet to pursue.

I’ve never been conventional. I’ve never followed the crowd. I’ve always set a path a bit different than “the norm”. I’ve always had ambitions that to others seemed misaligned because they were unrelated – but I never cared to conform to what others thought to be “fitting”. I always did what I felt motivated to do, even if I was the only person who believed in it.

So what if I wanted to study liberal arts, mechanics, medicine, and simultaneously travel the world…. that’s what brought me joy. So I did it.

So what if my aspirations as a young woman didn’t include a husband, 2.5kids and a dog with a house surrounded by a white Pickett fence, I preferred to work and race cars by day and spend my nights studying physics, neuroscience, music, and thinking about Greek mythology. I enjoyed entertaining friends with movies and meals, sought laughter and bonding over the conventional vow of love and friendships over family. Harsh reality for some, but it’s my truth.

Nowadays, I think back on my journey and I appreciate it all. The good, the bad, the gains, the losses. The tears of joy and those of pain and I’m grateful for them. Personal, professional, emotional, spiritual, and physical experiences. Not to say I don’t consider what could have been if I hadn’t experienced them… my life may have been a lot different without some of those gains, losses, or pains. But without them, I wouldn’t be here exactly as I am today. I wouldn’t be me – a multidimensional, layered, unconventional, unique work-of-art. So although the bad times were significant, there have been more positives than negatives, and in all experiences I grew, learned, and survived – progressing toward something more.

Sometimes I get a bit clouded. Synapses firing in different directions all at the same time. Sometimes I have more epiphanies than I can capture coherently, but that in itself makes me feel alive. To have such a vivid and active vision of what I can pursue, achieve or be a part of. Pursuing a passion to volunteer abroad or learn another instrument, language or skill, create something of purpose, launch a business or otherwise embark upon an entirely different career path. Exploring different emotions and receiving with an open heart and mind.

I like where I am but I love where I’m headed.

Looking toward 2018 of course I have a plan, I have a list, I have goals, aspirations and interests. I also have the propensity to say “f it” and accept the universe guiding me into the next stages of my life.

They say if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. I don’t know if that’s true but I do know that I’ve always done well to layout a path for myself and then listen to what I call the universe, what I believe to be God in my soul navigating me through that journey.

And I won’t stop now…
What are your thoughts as you reflect for 2018?

~D’Lorah Denise~


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