New you November continues with more relationship choice talk: Are you choosing a partner "As they are" or "As they could be"? Are you choosing today for tomorrow? Relationship Decisions
(We're probably going to step on some toes but…) Whether it's old flames reigniting or new faces becoming more appealing – whatever the choice, let's think BIG PICTURE. Making relationship choices today for the wrong reasons, may be detrimental tomorrow. Looking beyond the surface, and paying attention to the now are things people tend to forget when looking for love. Most people don't choose others "as they are" but moreso "as they could be".
But if they don't evolve into that future-state, the only person you can be upset with is yourself – because you chose them in their present state with no indication future state would ever be achieved.
Despite the number of conversations, promises, goals, or dreams discussed, if they choose never to fulfill them, you're left with the essence of the person you originally chose to be with. If that's enough for happiness – you've chosen the right partner. If it's not enough – perhaps you should reconsider your choices and motivations behind them. Are you choosing today for tomorrow?
The hard truth is we only have control over our own choices, behaviors, and motivations. As dear as our partners may be to us, you cannot force them to become anything they don't desire and work toward becoming. Similarly, they can't force you. You can support, encourage, inspire, and advise – but you can also do that from a "friendzone" given appropriate Motivation & Reciprocity (Click Here).
Building something together is more the benefit of a romantic relationship.
Something that will be supported and sustained by the both of you.
What we're focusing on here is a singular person's being. You – or – Him/Her. The essence of one person – who you are, what you bring to the world, what greatness your presence brings to someone else's life as a partner. The greatness each person is capable of achieving and maintaining whether you/they are present or not. No one person can reach another's greatness for them, they have to do it for themselves. That old saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it.
Now, when we say choosing "as-is" we're not talking about minor aspects like appearance – we're talking about the fundamentals of human beings and what it takes to build a stable and fulfilling relationship (with you). Whatever those priorities are for you. For example, honesty, loyalty, stability, perhaps their spiritual foundation, ability and willingness to provide, how they handle their emotions, accountability, dedication or initiative. How they prioritize or make decisions that affect you both. How they react to certain situations. There are many areas in which this concept can be applied. But the bottom line is when evaluating a partner "Are you choosing your partner based on who they are today, or who they have the potential to be tomorrow?"
Potential – Having or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future… AKA not doing it now.
Many of us make the decision to unite with someone based on who they can be, without considering, "If they didn't change any of their fundamental attributes, would I be happy with them?" in essence, if the man/woman didn't change at his/her core would I be satisfied with a future with them? This works both ways, they should consider the same about you.
The mindset one carries needs to be compatible with their partner's, the priorities and values they uphold and the goals they actively pursue will be reflected in their actions, the company they keep, the environments they allow themselves to be exposed to, the motivations the have, the risks they take, and how they behave. The decisions made to either evolve or to remain as-is are important when evaluating the longevity of a relationship and the choices we make in selecting partners.
Many things are able to be worked on, worked through, and compromised upon, but some are not.
We definitely are not saying to expect perfection. We are definitely not encouraging opportunistic approaches to romance. Nor are we encouraging people to turn away from investing in one another. But we are saying, at the core in their current state – before deciding to be with someone it may be worth considering if you are satisfied with that person's present-state as it relates to being integrated in your life permanently? And would you still be satisfied if things stayed as they are? … and they should be asking the same of themselves when they consider you as their significant other. It's OK to say No, it's not enough (Click Here) better to set eachother free to evolve or find a better fit, than to try to force it. We're encouraging healthy decisions and forethought for the sake of those involved.
No one wants to be "dumped" and No, it doesn't feel good to be the one who did the breaking-up, but its necessary; more times than not, those who got left were thankful because it forced them to grow and become better after the break-up. It may hurt to hear and it may cause a few tears, but from those tears, a rose can grow.
Sometimes the timing just isn't right. Make It Worth The Wait (Click Here) As an elder might say, "that goose isn't done cooking." And perhaps the alignment would be better made when one or both partners have evolved in different areas, matured, or stabilized.
Sometimes its just not a good fit at all and the two are being forced together – bound by a glue that doesn't have permanence or life-long purpose. Shoving a square peg in a round hole because you "hope for the best" or "are used to him/her" doesn't bode well for anyone. Eventually frustrations and disappointments may rise to a boil if those edges haven't rounded out smooth enough for you two to align.
We're all in the same race of life – racing against time to be the best version of ourselves – and to be happy. We all have different areas in which we've grown and still need to grow. Finding the right fit along this journey is a task. Perfection is impossible, but alignment is feasible. Make wise decisions in selecting a partner to race with, someone on the same playing field, someone who can compliment you and whom you can compliment in other ways. And if you're at a crossroads and reflecting on your current relationship, trying to decide on whether to love or to leave (Click H
– at the right time –
with the right person
– when you've become the right person –
Perhaps if more thought went into selection (in this or other ways), to consider longevity and future-state based on the present, and more people took heed to the reality of those conclusions, we may have better relationships, open communication, and stronger family units. Tips on Keeping Healthy Relationship
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