We all do it, everyday. Try to fit a square peg into a round hole. We make concessions and considerations, compromises and even contingency plans when we’re finding the right fit. But what about when finding the right fit goes wrong? When you take away all of the excuses, all that’s left is a decision.
Stripping away all the “extras” and “incentives” our decisions are based on fundamental human needs; each with its own set of attributes, mechanisms of expression, recognized actions and settings in which they are highlighted.:
As defined by Manfred Max-Neef, human needs can be understood as a system–i.e., they are interrelated and interactive. In this system, there is no hierarchy of needs (apart from the basic need for subsistence or survival).
What changes over time and between cultures is the strategies by which these needs (and created desires) are satisfied. Source
Depicted below is the diagram expanding into the attributes etc if each fundamental need:
When we accept less than (what we feel are) appropriate or satisfying situations, roles, or treatment in life, jobs or relationships, we are accepting the square peg for the modicum of satisfaction of the round hole it’s being forced to fit – and likely hoping those edges will round off for smooth sailing and a “perfect fit” before we’ve reached our breaking point.
In trying to find the right fit, pay attention to what your priorities or “must haves” are, what means the most to you: in life, job choices, situations with peers, romantic and platonic relationships, personal experiences and endeavors and evaluate what you are (and are not) willing to accept, and at what cost. Ask yourself W.I.I.F.M (Click Here To See).
Once you identify what means the most to you, define it. How do you recognize this thing of value? For example…
- If respect is one of your “priorities” as it relates to understanding, affection and participation in a relationship, how is that defined by you? Is that best recognized in the form of listening? Or honoring your wishes? How is that demonstrated? How do you perceive it? How would you like it to be exemplified?
- If support is one of your “priorities” in your career choices as it relates to understanding and freedom in your career, how is that defined by you? Is that by having guidance readily available? Teams of resources? Or backing in your decision making? How is that demonstrated? How do you perceive it? How would you like it to be exemplified?
Those types of questions are what we encourage be asked when finding the right fit – in life, relationships, jobs, personal choices, experiences, etc. once you know what you want, it is easier to make a plan to achieve or obtain it. Whether that involves getting acquainted with a different circle, changing your frame of mind, improving yourself to be able to reciprocate, investing in your talents to put out what you wish to attract or build a better situation for yourself and your family, or simply making changes in your life by moving, changing career paths, leaving or starting a relationship, embracing solitude or starting your own business… whatever the case, we wish to encourage deep thought and sound decision making.
Things to consider:
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