Ladies and gentlemen… Sometimes you have to say No… to (former) people you once loved, (current) people you still love, or (new) people you’d love to love in order to say “Yes” to your happiness and stable future. When saying “No” is really saying “yes”:
No, you will not subject me to experiences that bring chaos, confusion, or discomfort
- Yes, I want transparency, clarity, surety, respect, and peace
No, you will not walk back into my life with the same ‘ol story or subject me to deceit
- Yes, I am only accepting integrity, honesty, and truthful commitments
No, my love does not allow mistreatment
- Yes, I value myself and my loyalty
No, I won’t allow you to compromise my future
- Yes, I want what’s best for me so I can give the best of me to someone who is worth it
No, I won’t allow you to step beyond your boundaries
- Yes, I am reserving and protecting a special place in my life for the person who is fit for it.
No, you don’t deserve my love because you don’t know how (or refuse to) love or be loved
- Yes, I will love you patiently but not indefinitely if you’re not reciprocating the same
We all go through relationship woes. Ex’s come and go. New faces become old loves. Yet, we try and try again with the next…
Channeling the strength to take control of your romantic future takes guts. It takes confidence to stand up for yourself and to protect yourself from those who don’t mean you genuine good. It takes a lot to try again… and again.
We’re All A Little Broken
Ironically, many of us fall short of perfection due to the experiences we encounter in life, and the effects they have on us. All experiences, good and bad, present an opportunity for learning and growth; however, some lessons take a bit longer than others to learn.
Not many of us learn how to establish or maintain healthy relationships in this process, and the culmination of life-experiences can either discourage or destroy our willingness to do so.
Some may say, men lose more than women when relationships end – financially, legally, or even emotionally but the toll on women can be extreme as well. As a result, many people are unwilling to take the risk of trying again with someone new.
Some people are so damaged they can’t receive love.
Some so much they can’t give it.
And some who can’t do either…until they heal.
None of us are perfect and everyone has flaws, issues, or insecurity of some sort. All pieces of a puzzle. We’re all trying to find the piece that fits best with us.
Dating is a form to find that “safe place” to create that healthy relationship. Dating is a mechanism to find a partner to receive love from and give love to. Marriage and other life-long unions take dedication to work through the challenges. It takes a significant amount of courage and strength to invest into your partner…
…not to mention to trust if ever it was broken
Everyone wants to protect themselves, but you shouldn’t have to protect your heart from someone you’re trying to give your heart to. You’ll need to be willing to do so and they’ve got to be wiling to do their part to foster and protect the love.
Working Toward Yes
No matter who you are or what you’ve been through, you still want and need love. Even if you won’t admit it… you’re looking for it. Loving others means giving support and patience. Support is helping someone reach new heights and goals while they are doing their part to achieve the same. Enabling is allowing someone to continually bring (physical, emotional, psychological) harm or demise to themselves or those around them. Don’t confuse the two.
Healthy relationships are developed between two people with a common goal and commitment to reaching it together with trust, loyalty, honesty, support, and love.
This doesn’t mean it’ll be easy, we all make mistakes. Acknowledge, empathize, apologize, and act differently than you did to originally cause the mistake. Show and prove, be humble and put that desire to love above your pride. Accept and acknowledge your partner’s efforts, talk through things and support the positive changes.
Standing by the “No”
Giving yourself to someone who mistreats or takes advantage of your love is like giving keys to a Ferrari to a teenager… they’re going to run it to the ground and think nothing of it.
Just because you love someone (you’ve been with for a while) or just because you want to grow to love someone (new) doesn’t mean you can’t walk away from them if they’re not right for you.
Take responsibility for the decisions you make and who you allow in your life – especially who you involve yourself with romantically. Help them understand your love but recognize when you’re talking to a brick wall. A pattern of mistreatment is a habit of unhealthy relationships.
Mr. and Ms. Fix It
Do a self reflection for a second…10 things about you that are incredible…
… 10 things about your character or personality that are just GREAT…
… now wouldn’t you want someone who has the same or complimentary qualities? So why settle for anything less?
Protect your energy and protect your heart from mistreatment. Loving yourself requires you to keep others from abusing you – psychologically, physically, or emotionally. Love is not indicative of manipulation.
We ALL want to be loved…. the right way for us.
Above all, be with someone who adds to your happiness and makes you feel as peaceful with them as the sunsets by the ocean.
~Shed Light, Speak Life, Spread Love~