Have you ever been in a situation that’s led by a lie? Had a promise made to you that was broken? Or maybe you didn’t follow through on a commitment you made to someone? What happened in the aftermath? Did the one who betrayed run away like a thief in the night? Did they hide in the bushes to see where the shrapnel fell? Did they retreat and then return to rebuild what they broke? – trust. Whether a personal or business relationship, a partnership or a marriage… when facing the facts, do you flee or fight?
When you’ve begun repairing, rebuilding, restoring, did they tell you how happy they were for you? Did they smile at your strength or scour that you didn’t fall? Were they pleased with your struggle or patronizing?
Did they blow up your battleship and then cheer you on while you reached for a buoy? 😒
Or did you do that to them?
Did you put your eggs in their basket, and they dropped them all? Then handed you a bandage 🤕 by saying “I’m sorry” before they walked away?
Many people fail to acknowledge the impact their actions or inactions have on another person’s life/livelihood. Many distance themselves so they don’t have to bear witness to it.
Taking ownership, responsibility and acknowledging, sincerely apologizing, and actionably mending the damage you caused is a rare find nowadays. Most people would rather run for the hills and distort the truth or tell half truths when people ask what happened. The fear of facing the facts and/or consequences is unbearable for some.
Taking accountability for your role in another person’s life requires courage and aptitude not commonly found. We are in a age where everyone wants to blame, shame, and sue – but no one wants to work to fix what’s broken, let alone own up to their part.
The ability to trust someone’s word is a powerful thing. Someone once told me “if your word is no good, then neither are you.” When we have nothing left on this earth, our ability to be trustworthy and dependable is a large part of what builds our character. It allows us to build business and personal relationships, allows people to believe in us, entrust us with their prized possessions, their time, their energy, their investments, their heart.
When that trust is broken by way of going back on your word, not doing what you say you will, defaulting on a business partner, quitting a job or defouling a relationship, you have three choices of which speak volumes about you:
1. Run away
Abort mission!! Abandon ship!! You may think that the best thing to do is disappear when you think things are irresolvable or unable to be mitigated – you’re probably wrong. Disappearing or abandoning the person, business, place is hardly ever an amicable solution to any problem. It tends to make matters worst by leaving the other party/parties to wonder what happened, where you went, and why. Loose ends are never good.
Running is cowardly and the avoidance of matters between you and another individual only allow them to fester and transcend into bigger problems, not to mention the second or third order impacts to whomever/whatever you ran away from. Whomever leaves the situation – and doesn’t look back – leaves the other party to pickup the pieces, to glue them back together alone, and to compensate for not only the missing party but also the emotions that arise from being abandoned and essentially let down by someone they trusted. They are left to wonder what happened, why it happened, etc, atop of being left to mitigate the impact of the loss.
In business deals gone bad, atop of that, financial impacts may be experienced, reputations may be at risk, market value may drop, connections may be lost, inventory may be reduced…. the remaining partner is left to deal with everything that crashes all at once – atop of having the security of a partnership ripped away abruptly. Recall Disney-Pixar Partnership End
On a personal note, if one partner leaves the relationship abruptly and without facing the challenges, fails to keep their word (vows), or otherwise does not follow through on commitments made, the remaining party is left with a broke home, likely a broken heart, and a mountain of responsibilities once shared compounding on one’s shoulders. I tend to think this is a main contributor to ugly divorces – how people handle situations. 15 Most Expensive and Ugliest Divorces
2. Face the Facts and Change the Relationship as a team
Let’s face it, this is not always an easy task. It takes a lot of honesty to face the facts of what has transpired to lead you and your business/life/other partner to a place of distrust. Hearing and facing truth may be a painful process.
When one person defaults on their commitments, turmoil brews, and sometimes the relationship can not be restored, but is better transcended into a different state.
Separating from a loved one, a spouse, a business partner, or even a friend and deciding together on how to handle the loose ends of your relationship in order to transcend it into a different state prevents the rise of bitterness, resentment, anger, disappointment, and any other evoked emotion that would arise by opting to run away and abandon the other party. Climbing that wall to get to the other side of a sullied relationship to make it into something else, is worth more than abandoning it abruptly.
3. Face the Facts and Restore the Relationship
“Man in the Mirror” …. or woman… this is likely the most challenging thing for people to do. Look at themselves, change their ways, and ultimately be the change they want to see in order to restore what has been broken.
Self reflection is haaaaaarrrdd for some people. Change is even more difficult for others. Proving that change through consistent action is almost impossible for some – or so they think. Having the courage, intestinal fortitude, and empathy to endure the pain of honesty, the reality of consequences, the emotional blow to ones ego/pride/sense of self, and emerge from it all a better person, a more fitting person for the relationship you’re in…. that’s work!
Here’s some tips on how to to get through it. Dig Deep (click link to read more)
But if it means enough to you, you’ll work for it, you’ll fight for it, you’ll help it reach its full potential. Think Long-term…
Of all the Fortune 500 companies which existed in 1955, on 60 remained as of 2017. Do you think that was easy? Do you think there wasn’t fallout amongst partners/leaders? They survived because they fought, saw the big picture and worked for it. They didn’t quit, they didn’t run away, they didn’t give it away to another entity. They rode the wave of highs and lows and got to the other side. Some became better in-tact, some better apart in a way where neither suffered.
Same with personal relationships, not all of them survive… but none of them have to end damagingly, if they end at all. If you don’t try, you’ll never know what you could be. Facing the facts is one step in the right direction.
Everyone isn’t built for that… some just can’t/won’t put in the effort … but those who can, do.
Disaster is in sight when people don’t take accountability of their missteps and fail to work toward either an amicable dissolve or a restoration – taking into account the professional, emotional, financial, social, perhaps physical burden they leave the other party with.
Don’t forget that doing what you’re supposed to do & doing what’s right doesn’t guarantee the outcome will be aligned with your desires.
Sometimes you have to face that things are irreparable because one (or both) of you does not accept what you perceive to be mistreatment or less than you deserve Saying No to them, and Yes to yourself. (Click link to read more). But putting forth the effort makes all the difference in how you both grow from the situation overall – whether together or apart.
Some people run toward achallenge, some run away… pick your battles. Lose the fight, win the war. Find the Right Fit For yourself, within yourself. ****************************
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