Confidence not Cockiness: How to stay on the positive side of the dividing line

Today is one of those days where it needs to be clarified that Confidence is not to be mistaken for Cockiness… and note a few ways to stay on the positive side of the dividing line.

Public Service Announcement: Knowing your worth, realizing your value, and sharing it to enhance those around you is a something we should all strive to do. Part of this confidence includes accepting no less than the respect you earn and thus deserve. 

Unfortunately, confidence and the essence of knowing oneself is often perceived as cocky, conceited, stuck-up, better-than, rude, etc, when really, its just the essence of acknowledging your best self.

If you don’t highlight your strengths via actions,

why would anyone else via words?


If you don’t believe in you,

why would anyone else?

If you don’t teach people how to treat you,

why would anyone treat you different?


If you don’t set boundaries,

why would anyone respect them or even know they exist?

If you don’t showcase your abilities to contribute in a positive manner,

how  will anyone know they exist?

Why not own your greatness – in whatever arena that may be in. 

  • Own who you are and use your skills for the betterment of yourself and those around you.

Belief in yourself and your abilities. Harness your security in knowing your value. Recognize your worth and apply your talents and abilities toward self-development and motivation of others. You won’t be great at everything – and that’s ok. Embrace constructive criticism and self-evaluation. Analyze it and apply it to make yourself the best you can be. Let no one strip you of that awareness or ability.

Maximize your strengths, skills, and talents. 

  • Protect your peace

Whether in the professional realm or in your personal life, you permit the treatment you receive from others. If you allow yourself to be treated poorly, it’s highly likely people will continue to treat you that way. Stand up for yourself, and others.

We would all love to see everyone treat one another with the utmost respect, politeness, care and decency but the harsh reality is that not everyone automatically will.  However, both professionally and personally, people will treat you how you allow them to. 

If you don’t address the behavior, people will likely continue to/attempt to mistreat you. If you don’t set boundaries or communicate clear expectations, people will abuse privileges and many times take kindness as a weakness. You’re more likely to be taken advantage of if you allow it to occur without interjection (not to be mistaken for confrontation). The more you allow, the more allowable the behavior becomes from the perception of others. Communicate effectively and address the behavior respectfully and civilly. Shed light.

What you allow is what will continue.

  • Be ok with “No”.

Don’t be afraid to say “no, that’s not ok” or to correct behavior that offends you or makes you uncomfortable. You cannot necessarily change the other person, but you can change your interactions or remove yourself from the unpleasant environment. Speak up without being disrespectful.

Toxic people can be the closest to you. Learn when situations and relationships (professionally and personally) are unhealthy and change what’s within your control. 

 Don’t let anyone get the best of you unless they want the best for you.

  • Respect yourself & respect others.

Know your limits. Know how you desire to be treated. Put out what you want in return – positivity and truth for me. Respect others and respect yourself. Want what’s best for you – without negatively impacting others. 

Be the change you want to see.

  • Earn what you deserve. 

Own your identify and destiny. Be knowledgeable, demonstrate the qualities that are likened to yield confidence. Ex: be informed, forward thinking, and well spoken professionally. Be thoughtful and decisive personally.

Talk less, listen more.

  • Be honest with yourself, and with others.

Honesty mixed with assertiveness and knowledge (of oneself or other topic) is typically the basis of confidence confused as being cocky. 

Only you know what is and is not acceptable to you. Set those boundaries and be clear about them. Don’t make the mistake of blurring the lines for others when it puts you at risk of detriment. 

Admit faults, take responsibility and recognize where you may need improvement and welcome the challenge. Again, be confident in your abilities.

Live in your truth. Speak up. Live honestly.

  • Focus on YOU.

Being confident in yourself and having a healthy sense of self-worth only makes you better than the person you were yesterday. There’s no competition in self-awareness and the resulting confidence.  You are only in competition with yourself.

Recognize your strengths and enhance them, utilize them, grow your talents. Bring others up, but never look down on another person along the way.

Confidence thrives from believing in yourself and having the skills to back it up  including the confidence of being a good person, an intelligent and reliable resource, and a healthy romantic partner. 

Whether you see yourself as the “full package” or just “a pretty darn good catch” professionally or personally, there’s a tactful way to express that without being cocky about it.

We all have something great about us, nothing wrong with sharing it with the world.

Watch Video: “Easy” Demetria McKinney

Ask Men: Be Confident Without Being A Jerk

The Muse: Confidence Without Arrogance

CEO Tips: Confidence in the Workplace

Alpha: Confidence v Cockiness Video

It’s NOT that no one can do what YOU do, they just can’t do it how YOU do it! 

We’re all unique, individually special.


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Each Category above has a wealth of enjoyable commentary based on the topic noted. 

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~Shed Light, Speak Life, Spread Love~

~D’Lorah Denise~

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