Let’s face it… Men take the brunt of things when it comes to dating.
- Expectation to WOW
- Striking Conversation
And many women might say “That’s what he’s supposed to do,” but even if you think it’s his duty, that doesn’t negate that it can be a lot of work… for nothing. Admit it ladies, not all of us bring our A-Game on every date. And rightfully so, not every man does either. But in this case, we’re referencing the men who generally do.
Gentlemen, doesn’t it get a bit laborious trying to find a new place to take the lady you’ve met? Trying to find creative or surprisingly new ways to WOW her from date to date? And then to have the misfortune of the misses not wearing the crown she so delicately placed on her head in “expecting” you to do it all? Kinda makes you want to do less, doesn’t it? Just so happen’s the next lady you meet gets the brunt of that, and although she brought her A-game, you started on deflated momentum. And the cycle continues…
So What Do You Do?
Some men keep trying… Persistence believed to bring about a different outcome, eventually.
Some men give up… expecting the next woman to prove to him she’s worthy of his effort, where the last squandered it.
Might you consider it might have just been an “off” day for her? Bad days, everyone has them.
If that’s not the case, perhaps try assessing the pool you’re fishing in? What are the qualities/attributes/commonalities that are drawing you to coincidentally unappreciative or entitled women?
Might you consider the “bait” being used to catch their attention/interest? … see anything worth adjusting?
As for the women – put yourself in his shoes for a second and think of how extenuating, exhausting, disappointing, and expensive it is to keep doing that each and every time without the modicum of appreciation, acknowledgment, or gratitude – but instead with an attitude of expectance… You cannot possibly think that’s acceptable, simply because he is anatomically opposite of you…
Let’s consider laying some ground rules ladies and gentlemen…
Let’s seek quality v. quantity
- Approach (and respond) respectfully
- Gauge common interests
- Evaluate their frame of mind more than the frame of their body (not suggesting looks aren’t important, just that a bit more should go into evaluating whether you want to try dating someone)
Maybe the first dates are not “showstoppers,” but rather a simple get-together. Affordable in nature to him, focused more so on getting to know each other versus impressing someone with (or being impressed by) the amount of money spent.
- Google “things to do in (city)”
Increase the extravagance of the date in line with the level of effort made by you both to create a connection. This way you both “earn”.
- Gentlemen, make conscious efforts but be mindful of those made by her
- Ladies, offer to leave a tip if he pays for dinner… Offer to buy a round of drinks if he’s paying for the taxi, the outing, etc etc. (the goal is to show and make effort to show appreciation & good faith)
After the first few dates, if there is probability of a romance or even a foreseeable healthy friendship – play fair.
- Don’t waste his/her time. As soon as you feel things are probably going to end up romantic or platonic – communicate. It’s not to say that’s the definite fate, but at least you can manage expectations and show willingness to be honest. Talk about it.
- Ladies, don’t hesitate to make the next set of plans for your next outing. Men want to feel like their relationship (platonic or romantic) is a team effort. If they’re constantly doing all the work, you’ll seem like more of an added responsibility than a benefit to the big picture. There’s nothing wrong with you making and executing plans every so often, inviting him over for dinner (you cooked or ordered), or just proposing you two attend an event (you purchased tickets for).
The general message is just to be reasonable, and be respectful of other people’s time and resources. No one wants to feel like a human ATM, nor do they want to feel that by dating you they’ve now adopted a grown-child. You’re capable of dating him just as he is capable of dating you – just be willing and execute. Ladies & gentlemen, please don’t “expect” or “demand” more from someone than you’re willing and able to do for yourself or for them. (Speaking in terms of adding value and positivity not necessarily exactly equivalent actions) Be humble…
TEAMwork makes the DREAMwork.
There is no “happily ever after” without you both working toward the goal.
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Each Category above has a wealth of enjoyable commentary based on the topic noted. Be sure to check back in under “Family & Friendships”
and click “June 2017: The Mark of Men” to continue the journey.
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